The Decline of
American Humor (fr jerleen - wis nedds yous and samys)

Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley) is the author of: “Wan iv th’ strangest things about life is that th’ poor, who need th’ money th’ most, ar-re th’ very wans that niver have it.” “Don’t ask f’r rights. Take thim. An’ don’t let anny wan give thim to ye. A right that is handed to ye fer nawthin’ has somethin’ the mather with it. It’s more thin likely it’s ony a wrrong turned inside out.” “’Tis a sthrange thing whin we come to think iv it that th’ less money a man gits f’r his wurruk, th’ more nicissary it ’tis to th’ wurruld that he shud go on wurrukin’. Yer boss kin go to Paris on a combination weddin’ and divorce thrip an’ no one bothers his head abouth him. But if ye shud go to Paris — excuse me laughin’ mesilf black in th’ face — th’ industhrees iv th’ country pine away.” “Mebbe ’tis as bad to take champagne out of wan man’s mouth as it ’tis to take rround shteak out of anather’s.” “It takes vice t’ hunt vice. That accounts f’r polismen.” “I care not who makes th’ laws iv a nation, if I can get out an injunction.” “Laws are made t’ throuble people, and th’ more throuble they make th’ longer they shtay on the shtachoo books.” “If me ancestors were not what Hogan calls regicides, ’twas not because they wan’t ready an’ willin’, ony a king niver came their way.” “A constitootional ixicative, Hinissey, is a ruler who does as he damn pleases an’ blames th’ people.”

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