It's hard to explain what brings a loved one to the point of hating you...when you're an addict. 

Addicts like to lie, steal, cheat, abuse others, violate anyone they can, and then manipulate every situation under the sun. 

Addicts often hurt anyone within an arms length with their self injurious behavior. 

Addicts take advantage of scenarios to fulfill their void. 

Addicts drive others over the edge with lists of distractions and stories to hide their behavior. 

Addicts make you question everything they do with a "WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THIS OR THAT?" 

Addicts numb themselves to hide from the countless poor choices they have made. 

Addicts make poor choices and redirect responsibility on the world around them to make themselves seem perfect. 

Addicts just keep on doing their thing and living the "fun" life at everyone else's expense. 

Addicts can become thieves, prostitutes, and deviants in a jiffy. 

Ultimately...when and if they even get a chance to attempt living a "SOBER LIFE"---they are at such a stage of SHAME within that it's utterly beyond comprehension for them about how to overcome all the things they have done to themselves and to others. It's so hard....

But of course; a regular life is hard for everyone. So, what makes the addict special????

How do we forgive them when they have broken our hearts, betrayed our trust, and violated our boundaries beyond reproach? 

It takes lots of time, lessons learned, and lots of love to overcome such feelings towards an addict as hate, resentment, and total disdain for their selfish choices.

The anger; the frustration, and the continued fears of being violated again result in a constant feeling of babysitting another adult.

Defensive relationships endured by people involved with an addict are pretty normal.

Posturing and protecting yourself from a relapse is imperative. 

Addicts laughed countless times about your dumbass worrying about them while they were out getting "high". 

They treat you like an idiot. They act like you'll never figure out they are doped up. 

They think that they can outsmart you at every corner. They think they are cool justing getting high on a different substance than before. 

They think that they can handle something simple and it'll be okay. 

They revert quickly to old, familiar, and deadly bad habits. 

They hide from themselves and refuse to own their relapses. 

They just keep trying to con themselves and the others around them. 

They play goodie for a minute, then fail themselve and you again and again. 

Prayerfully; they'll come to the revelations that all your anger is driven from a love that they need to learn for themselves. 

But; remember; your love is and never will be enough to get the addict clean.

They must find it within themselves to overcome the addiction. 

They must fight their demons all by themselves. They must face their inner most fears. They must take the initiative to live a different life. 

If not...lots of wasted time can pass before things get any better....so be prepared for lots of bad days until then. 

One thing above all this that I see regularly is this sense of self guilt and an inability to make right of all the wrongs the addict inflicted upon the ones they loved during their periods of getting high. I see the heads hanging low, the eyes looking away, and the total sense of feeling uncomfortable being sober---especially those who the court ordered to get clean and who were not doing it simply because they were ready. 

Somewhere along the line; learning to have by gones with people who have violated you and who are SERIOUS about being clean and working the program---is sincerely a transforming point. It will not happen over night. Too many folks who don't get it push sober addicts around with all their projected expectations of the addict...and often times steer the recovering addict right back out into their "happy" world. It's simply such a tough situation. Boundaries, so much can be hurt by these folks...

I wish for sober addicts to have relationships recovered with people that they have violated. I wish for them to know unconditional forgiving love and sobriety for a long time to come. I wish for them to appreciate the hurt and pain endured and the yelling as a sincere sign of love from people who are around them. We don't yell at people we don't care about. We fight for those we love. So, when your family members get loud, frustrated, and scream at you---stop running away and own the pain you've caused. Be glad that someone gives a damn about you to scream...for some folks don't have anyone. 

They say some must die for others to live. Don't always think you are smarter than others to inflict more pain upon yourself through your addiction. Know in your heart that you are stabbing the folks who love you when you relapse.  We, your family, love you and want you to know this deep in your hearts....we only wish you'd appreciate that love enough to heal inside out from your addiction. We may not always support your choices-even when they are good ones. We may not always appreciate your challenges...We may not get it because we are not you. We many not understand your pain or your sickness. We may simply make a ton of mistakes in your mind trying to show you that we care. We may quit and cut you out of our lives... We may become disillusioned with your painful lifestyle. We may do a thousand things that piss you off---but we do love you. So, give us that much. 

I pray for everyone's recovery through it all. For those who are not addicts and who love one...I pray for you as well. Either way; it's always a tough road up front. It does get easier in time and there are great support groups around to help you keep on staying well. It's a process and it takes time. be prepared to work this job of living a clean life forever.... and by the way........WELCOME BACK TO REALITY! 

It's time to work, feel productive and serve a purpose! It's time to play on the team of positives and not dwell on your weaknesses. It's time to see the possibilities and to close the window to all the pain in the past instead of allowing it to keep climbing in your mind and taking control of your thoughts and giving it power through your addiction. 

Be well all.