Seriously, it must be hard to run for office. Esp as a Republican in this election. You've had the keys to the kingdom and carte blanche to do whatever your will for many many many years. Now it looks like the there might be a tide coming in to wash your sand castle out to sea and as you realize you're powerless to stop this, you must do your best to build some kind of barricade. Something that will block your little piece of hard work from being erased. And that my friends, that's when the desperation sets in.

Enter [insert incumbant name here]. It's nothing new of course, like some Mendelian function on coke it get's ramped up to full force around this time year after year. As those that have try to protect themselves from those that want. It's been going on since long before I was born and will probably be going on for well after my carcass releases it's architectural grasp on life.

And just like people that are constantly trying way too hard to convince you and themselves that they are one thing and another all at the same time, it just smacks of being false. I can't help but feel that this feeling of the fraternal-like system of the keepers of our political cycle is the majority of the reason why people don't vote. But as for the people who like their masochism with a side of Freedom Fries.. well they have to pay attention at least for a few weeks out of the year. As a payoff, not only do they get radio show fodder for upcoming years, they get to witness, first-hand, where all the sitcom writers have wandered off to.

This topic could go as broad as you like but since we're here in the AK-rowdy it seems fit to focus on people that hit closer to home, like Mike DeWine.

Mike Dewine has been a major politcal player in Ohio since 1982. Yup, back when they were filming WarGames and I was dreaming of awesome cartridges that might one day make it to the Commodore Vic20, this guy was making sure that he would grow old, fat and happy on the tax dollars of Ohioans. That's right. Despite looking like a constipated downs syndrome patient he has managed to keep a voting record that makes Tom DeLay look liberal for the past..

2006 - 1982 = 24 years.

24 years! That's security. When you've sat at your current job for so long that your buttcheeks have not only imprinted the seat cushion on which they rest, but have actually worn away the vinyl and batting and you are left with only a firmly (if awkwardly) placed pole... you can be fairly sure that the job is yours and you're not going anywhere for a while.

Ahhh, but that's the thing with politics isn't it? Every 4 to 6 years your number comes into rotation and the people that you represent try to pay attention to their own lives and decide based off of that if you've helped or hurt their personal cause. If they've had a couple of Instant Lotto tickets give them $5 and their grandchild hasn't been forceably removed from the 3rd grade for strapping plastique to their chest while screaming 'Allah!'. God Bless America!... You've done a great job and your safe for another term!

But suppose that just starts sucking. Little Jim-Bob hangs out with a brown kid. There's rap music on the radio. The government blows up the Pentagon and Grandma May can't figure out the Medicare prescription plan If that's the case, it's time to try to change the way you're viewed in the public eye*

Enter the Mike Dewine campaign for Fall 2006.

Listening to the media in general, it's obvious that the public opinion is that the Democrats will likely take back the majority seat in the Legislative branch 'cause it's no longer cool to be Republican or somesuch. Only thing is, as anyone backed into a corner, they desperately want to keep their ongoing power position and will do whatever they can to make that happen.

Check out this ad by Mike DeWine that's been broadcast heavily on Northeast Ohio TV:

You might note the language that's being used here:

"We all have to work together, Democrats and Republicans.."

"WE just passed a law"

WE're keeping you safe from Islamofacist Terrorists

Independent fighter...

There's an obvious need here to align themselves with the people they fear and the causes behind said fear, while at the same time putting up pieces of negative propaganda about their opponent on the screen. There's nothing now, nor has there ever been any sort of 'Independant' nature to DeWine. This visible stance of bridging the gap has always been a point of contention for me as it's more of a marketing technique than it is standing up for what you believe in, regardless of which side of the wooden political fence you stand. This ad rides the middle the whole way (posts and all!) and you have to wonder who's going to be picking out the splinters in the end.

If there's a cure for that rash you have to then contemplate what kind of burning sensation would make you produce an ad that not only once again shoves the rhetoric of the smoldering 9-11 towers down your throat as a political tool, but decides along the way that "You know what? This image needs more Ooomph!" So much more in fact that they'd have to photoshop smoke into the South Tower in order to achieve it. You know, make the image really stand out and 'POP'. So they did.

The inevitable result is stupid and embarrassing. How we, as Ohioans, have supported this man with our own money for 24 years leads me to believe that we might have to start importing candidates (and hell, even voters!) from now on. I'm really just hoping we can manage that before we wall ourselves off from all reason. But who knows? I guess we'll have to see in November which balding, bitter, insecure person leads the charge against the windmill.

* and the way that these people view your opponent. I thought this was implied so I didn't want to insult your intelligence by putting it in the article. So I put it down here where perhaps you'd be more forgiving but morons who couldn't infer it on their own but still knew what an * meant would keep with what's going on.

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